Tuesday, January 1, 2013

new year, new me....

I've decided that this year will be my "year of the phoenix." This will be the year that I rise up from the ashes of the last couple years, and emerge reborn, with strength and courage. I have been dealt some terrible cards, especially in 2012, and I am determined to take the hard lessons, learn from them, and move on with high aspirations and lofty goals.

I do not like "resolutions" or the "promise" to achieve some thing(s). I prefer to set my intentions for the year and if I do not achieve everything, so be it. I'm sure the experiences in their place will be just as valuable.

This year, I hope to:

1) Finish the prereqs to be able to start nursing school by 2014
2) Get back into triathlon... whether I race or not is entirely to be determined.
3) Read more, write more, draw more.
4) Lose 5-10 lbs of fat, gain 5-10 lbs of muscle.
5) Complete another ultra marathon with my best friend.
6) Try at least ONE new hobby, sport, etc. every month.
7) Eat a diet that's 80% vegan, and low gluten.
8) Get control of my finances... Yes, I keep saying that "this is the year" but I am at the point where I absolutely MUST do something. I feel this will be easier once the divorce is processed.
9) Workout at least 30 minutes a day, 6 days a week AT MINIMUM.
10) Enroll the children in a hobby (dance, gymnastics, etc)
11) Spend more "positive" time with the kids, enjoying them.
12) Continue to follow through on disciplinary tactics, command the respect of the kids.
13) Work on my relationship with Jason to ensure that we will be efficient co-parents.
14) Emit only the best energy, focus on being positive, showing love to those around me.
15) Accept love into my life, but not make it a focus. Focus on the relationships that I DO have in my life, and continue to treat others as I prefer to be treated.
16) Keep an open mind and heart.
17) Blog every day and post a photo every day.
18) Learn to love myself more, and show it. Emit confidence.
19) Keep in touch better with family who do not live in San Diego. Be a more supportive and active family member.
20) Be a more doting and nurturing daughter.

Well... that's "it" per se. It seems like a lot but I think it is pretty simple. All of the things mentioned will help me become a better and more complete person from my own actions and pursuits. In 2012, I lost in the game of love. And it hurts. Not only did I lose the fight for my marriage, but I lost in some other relationships as well. And all of this really has me questioning my "commitment" to polyamory. I do not necessarily subscribe to monogamy at all, nor do I truly find the institute of marriage appealing and/or right... but I don't know what the best thing for me or the kiddos is right now. I just want to be happy. I just want THEM to be happy. I suppose this is all a huge "to be continued..." as I rise from the ash.

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