Monday, July 5, 2010

my flock of wounded birds

AMAZING, isn't it? I DID say, afterall, at the beginning of this blog that I was much more than my training... well, I've not done a very good job at demonstrating that. But really, I am a lot more than my training. In fact, I'm about to continue working towards a major goal in my life (besides discovering myself as an "athlete") and that is graduate school. On July 13th, I am going to start my Master's program in Psychology!!

I am extremely excited about this as I recently (finally) graduated with a BA in Psychology...but such is my luck - just having a BA in Psych does NOT help with finding a good job. In fact, I need to have an advanced degree before I can even THINK about pursuing my ultimate goal - to be a counselor/psychologist/therapist/whatever you might call it. So basically, I need a MA and then a PsyD or PhD... which is definitely something that I want to pursue.

But where has this interest in psychology gotten me in my life? Well, nowhere really... but I have always been "that girl" whom everyone confides in, tells their secrets to, seeks advice from...and I've always been "that girl" who cares too deeply for others, "that girl" who really wants to help heal the world, one wounded bird at a time.

I've always had the tendency to take people into my life who are hurting emotionally... I've always had the tendency to seek out those who need help (whether they want it or not)...I've always had the tendency to want to fix things, even when there's really nothing that I can actually do to fix the situation. Sometimes this backfires, and the person doesn't want help... sometimes they deny that they need help... sometimes, they build a wall so high and strong around them, that in spite of my best efforts to scale and destroy it, I am unsuccessful. This has always frustrated me - I see a problem, I want to fix it... end of story...and I look foward to the day when the majority of the people I deal with are those who actually WANT my help and are paying for it. (HAHA) But I will forever want to help my friends, regardless of whether they want it or not.

Sometimes, all it takes is a disinterested third party... another set of eyes and ears, another viewpoint... to solve problems. Or sometimes, all it takes is a simple conversation full of self discovery... or a long run on the trails, or swim in the ocean, or ride up the coast... lots of time to think and explore the many questions of life, in an attempt to find solutions to problems...

Over the years, I guess you can say that I've filled the nest of my heart with a flock of wounded birds... I've collected such an amazing, eclectic mix of friends (so many who have been through some harrowing and amazing circumstances and situations) and many of them have wanted to talk about their lives, get my opinion, or just vent about circumstances of their life...and I've always loved every minute of it...there's just something so refreshing about being able to take someone who is upset, who is experiencing something that is making them uneasy, who is unhappy... and helping them turn it around... make the most out of a situation... learn something new... change their outlook... just BEING there for people is something that truly does make me happy.

I've always been a people person, a people collector of sorts. Through facebook, I'm still connected with people I went to pre-school with, people I knew through girlscounts, or elementary school... high the triathlon club, etc... It enables me to keep up with everyone's lives... to lend an ear or offer advice... to stay connected. I have such an eclectic mix of friends, from all walks of life... of such a varying degree of interests... It's just amazing what technology has allowed us to do. I can't imagine what things will be like for my children when they are my social networking and communication will differ from how it is at present... the way they will be able to keep in touch with their friends and loved ones... simply amazing...

And as I'm typing this ridiculously long ramble about this... I received my training schedule from now until the race...and anxiety has set in again. I am so nervous for race day... how hard will I be able to push myself? How far will these legs carry me at the fastest pace possible? Will I be able to push myself hard enough? What's going to happen on race day - will I execute the perfect race or will I have problems? Will I fail or succeed? What if it's windy ... or super hot... or what if my nutrition just doesn't work for me that day? There are so many what-ifs that I keep pondering and simply do not have answers for.

I'm going to use the next few weeks to their fullest. I am stoked for Jackie's and my upcoming trip to San Francisco/Guerneville/Petaluma/Windsor and can't wait to get in a weekend of solid (run focused) training and see if I can PR my 10k on Saturday... This is the time to focus, to buckle down... to put aside the worrying about my friends and their problems... or about strangers and their problems... to not consider my shortcomings and focus on my strengths. To make every workout count and push myself to achieve all that I hope to achieve. There is no time like the present to affect my future. So here goes nothing... here we are in the final stretch... the finish line is almost in sight... the next few weeks are going to fly by... and hopefully I'll be ready to face the challenge.

Well, I guess that's enough rambling for now... It seems I'm not too good with writing about anything beyond training these days... (seeing as it's all-consuming!!)

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